Things that help my child sleep

By Lizzie H

HMSA Note: Every individual is different, and different things will help different people. If in doubt, consult a health care professional before trying something new.

After nearly fifty years of my own sleep problems and now almost ten years of my daughter's (I have EDS, POTS, ADHD etc and she is hypermobile and is awaiting assessment for ADHD but has a lot of symptoms) we find we get the best results from:

1. Our daughter sleeps with us and although it does mean my evenings are taken, I go up with her and usually stay with her and this has helped her massively (and as I have chronic fatigue I don't really go out much anyway, and I like being able to do this one consistent thing for her every day, even if I can't do anything else because I'm so often ill).

2. A pretty slow wind down for bedtime, with no rushing to cause stress at all. Anxiety is a big problem for both of us and many ND (Neurodivergent) people, so we try to keep this time of day mega relaxed with no shouting or anger. Takes a lot of patience but I've learned that getting cross, even when it is justified, distresses us both and just makes it take even longer to get to sleep and is self defeating. I do obviously still correct naughty behaviour but gently and now we are so much calmer I realise most of her 'naughty' behaviour wasn't deliberate or naughty at all, but was a symptom of frustration and distress, and will not be helped by further distress. We now go up at half six and allow two hours, but the first hour is just slowly getting pyjamas on and doing face and teeth, and having a chat, and then maybe a leg rub or mini back massage if needed (or just push and pull gently on non painful joints for proprioceptive input which she finds relaxing), reading a book or listening to a story or guided meditation.

3. I give her an opportunity to talk about her day and any worries she has at this time too. She would often get really sleepy and then suddenly pop up with a big worry about school the next day and we'd have to start all over again, and I myself tend to ruminate a lot on problems at bedtime so it helps to get these off her chest first, but make sure they have some time after this before actively trying to sleep so it isn't foremost in their minds.

4. Blackout curtains/blinds and an eye mask help enormously. The blackout curtains seem best for preventing early morning waking, but the eye mask seems to actually help her get to sleep. I think this might be partly the direct signalling she is giving to her brain that it doesn't need visual stimulation right now, partly a sensory thing (I too find mine comforting in this way, like my face is being hugged or something), and partly that she often seems to sort of forget that she is meant to be keeping her eyes shut and I find her staring into space overthinking, so it reminds her to do that.

5. Aids that have helped: Microwave plushie hedgehog and/or unicorn for joint pains. Lavender pillow spray, Magnesium foot cream with a foot massage. Weighted blanket if she is feeling very anxious. Calmcarry device (she likes it and finds it calming, though I don't know if it actually makes any difference to her sleep). Koala cuddly with breathing and heart beat function which she LOVES and finds very relaxing.

6. This is the single biggest thing that has helped. It goes against every bit of advice we have ever had about sleep, so a controversial one but a game changer for us has been NOT having a totally silent and dark room. I think this may be ADHD specific but we both find silence results in massive levels of ruminating on problems or focusing on pain levels so we need some distraction. Music either made her want to sing and join in or she didn't like it enough to listen. Audio books or TV sound only (with eye masks on) works best for us. We stick to TV that is familiar enough to not be exciting but interesting enough to relisten to, with long running series being the best for familiarity and comfort. Kids TV is too exciting so we go for reasonably appropriate adult shows like star trek. There are also some great guided sleep meditations on YouTube and Amazon to listen to. Even though we wear eye masks, being able to see it is lighter beyond the mask eases my daughter's fear of the dark so if the tv isn't on we use a galaxy night light.

As an adult I would say what's helped me most is:

1. Falling asleep to TV and watching TV quietly if I wake in the night. Seems to be the single biggest thing that has ever helped me as I'm a huge overthinker and feel I have a noisy brain that won't switch off.

2. Melatonin and full spectrum CBD/THC oil (prescribed). Makes a huge difference to my ability to get back to sleep if I wake up, as well as the oil helping with pain relief.

3. Having a small fan next to the bed and an extra blanket at the foot for temperature control. I'm reaching 'that age' as a woman so this has become more of a factor than it used to be.

I hope some of these help someone.