Mari, i think your doctor and my doctor may be communicating telepathically, or possibly channeling eachother
i'll try to be serious now, though GP's hysteria when it comes to opiates is making me giggle uncontrollably. i think it's because it's made me mad for so long that i'm now beyond anger when i think of it. they just won't read the recent studies and won't realize that what they're saying is simply not true
. it's what they learnt in med school 20 or 30 years ago, but it isn't what they teach nowadays - one of my best friends just finished med school and she told me a while back that to her great surprise, she was taught that when a patient who has chronic pain takes morphine, they do not get addicted and there is absolutely no reason what-so-ever to prevent them from having a better quality of life by denying them the proper pain killers than could make their life manageable.
personally it seems a bit nuts to me that since we're yound and have many active years ahead of us, we're denied the possibility to live all these years without being under the control of unbearable pain, whereas someone who is 97 and has a terminal illness, for whom quality of life doesn't mean that much anymore, isn't denied this simple little kindness. it seems so illogical to me.
is your doctor open to new information? there is a lot of information you could print out (online, in pain clinics, 'etc. 'etc.) and perhaps give her. i've given a lot to my GP and while he still holds to the same views, at least i know i tried.
i think part of the difficulty lies in the fact that since we're used to very high levels of pain, we don't limp into the doctor's office crying and screaming, but very quietly say that we'd like morphine. this makes it hard for the average doctor to realize how much pain we might be in.
having said all that, personally i wouldn't want to take morphine. i've taken it this summer, when i was doing very badly and in a wheelchair, my GP gave up and gave me some slow-release morphine for one week. but it made me feel so groggy and so dull that i really hated the feeling and prefer to have more pain but still have my brain connected to my body. this is only with regards to the slow-release morphine, though. i found the regular morphine (the immediate release) just like tramadol, in terms of grogginess. so i really hope it works out somehow and that you can control your pain better very soon.
sorry my thoughts are so confused - i just had a conversation with two well-meaning friends who told me i must be positive and agree with them that my HMS will soon pass. ...sigh.