I am sorry to hear your struggling. However, I thought I'd just put my bit in too
My youngest son was always difficult whether there were reasons for it or not. I tried the star chart - we jointly made a Wallace and Gromit rocket poster and he got to stick on stars when he deserved them. Worked but only temporarily
The only thing I can say is that he thrived off routine and when something was amiss - either I was unwell or we did something differently - he was the devils child. Yes, I lost my temper most of the time, cried a lot, total frustration.
3 things helped. The first was a visual chart, nothing special but a4 for each day. On each day you put a picture of what your doing that day.
The second thing was a little bag and in that bag he had 5 raffle tickets and he could swop those tickets at anytime for anything, for example, if he wanted to do something that I had said no to like have a biscuit before tea, watch tv, or if he had a row with me I would take one, tantrums = 1 ticket, hitting me with his book bag (god I remember that one) = 1. The aim was to have as many as pssible left at the end of the day and I would buy the remainning from him at 10p per ticket. At the end of the week he got to spend it on whatever he wanted. I know it sounds quite complex but I think that very fact helped too. Don't get me wrong it was no miracle cure but it helped me deal with him to as rather than stand screaming at him I'd just take a ticket and feel in charge again!
Lastly, I explained everything to him as detailed as I could. So when I were ill I would tell him what it was, what would happen, what we do in the mean time. He responded far better when in possession of all the gory details, the not knowing just confused him more and made his behaviour worse.
Who knows who is right and who is wrong, boy I know how he got me down at times and I sympathise with you completely. He did improve with every year the only problem was I found myself saying "oh in another six months it'll be easier" I wished his little life away
. That said he is 11 now and is so loveable and funny and has always been really but when I ook back at photos he looks so gorgeous I do remind myself that he was a hell on legs
but there is hope, tomorrow is always another day!
Sorry for going on but the last thing I would mention is Eye q fish oils. There is a post on them under HMS and Autism on related illness. Obviously I am not in anyway saying there is a Autism link as I have known loads regular children be helped by this brand of omegas and might be worth considering.
I wish you and your little boy a frustration free weekend!