Sensitive comments

[Eloise]

Pickle - I know what you mean it is nice to know when people just take a little notice.

I think this is probably the best place to share this. This morning was April fools and so we were being silly in the office. I went out and came back in and sat at my computer - opened up a webpage etc and then went to type in a password and it wouldn't work. Yep the others in the office had pulled the keyboard lead out the back of the computer. So I turn round and ask who did it and they were all laughing and I was giggling to. So I get up to try and reach behind the computer to replace the lead and sally jumps up and comes across and puts it back for me

I was just really glad that they include me as normal, and recognise what I can't do and just sort things out without a fuss or mention. I think they are all finally getting it They have all been really good in asking question etc recently - especially seeing me hobbling/wobbling yesterday. Now I just need to get my boss to do the same.

[mindsquatter]

Just have to say, I tend to have more problems with men being insensitive (no offense to men, but my experience!) so the teacher I do a lot of volunteer stuff for comes as a breath of fresh air!

On Tuesday I did something to my back, and couldn't straighten up. Couple of painkillers later I was fine. Wed morning went into the school, and because of the way the day pans out, I can't take any pain meds till I get there. I always try and be discreet about it, but he walks around the corner just at the wrong moment.

Him: You alright?
Me: Just put my back out
Him: that must be pretty easy for you
Me: yeah, s'pose so
Him: well, just take it easy today, OK?

And that was it - no telling me off for doing things I "shouldn't" have been later in the day, just a gentle reminder to take it easy. If he wasn't so un-touchy feely, I'd hug him

[Zosie]

A couple of weeks back I was talking to my friend about his upcoming skiing trip, and I said "I'd love to go skiing again." This made him ask why I couldn't, so I explained that last time I went for five days, and only skied for two. The other three were spent in bed, hobbling to meals and then back again. I didn't do any of the extra activities either, since I was too worried it would make things worse. He was silent for a moment, then said "That must really suck." Which doesn't sound very sensitive, but after two years of no sympathy whatsoever, it was better than nothing.

(This is less of a sensitive comment, and more of a sensitive action.) Then last week I was in rehearsals for a show I'm working on this week. I swear, the entire cast for that show is falling apart. One of the actors, Fabian, has a serious problem with his back, which resulted in him being in a wheelchair at the end of last year, that came back pretty badly last week. Another one of them, Joe, has a serious problem with his knees, so he's kind of been hobbling everywhere.

Both of them turned up to rehearsals with no painkillers. I offered Fabian some until he could get to the pharmacy for something stronger. Then Joe needed some Ibuprofen, so I offered him some. He jokingly asked if I had an entire pharmacy in my bag, so I gave him a vague description of HMS. He immediately refused to take any painkillers from me, saying that I needed them more than him. I told him I was alright, that it was one of my good days, and he still refused. Then Fabian went to the pharmacy and came back not only with his painkillers, but an entire packet of Paracetamol to replace the one tablet I gave him. It was very sweet of them, I thought.

[anna]

Thankyou for starting this thread, you have no idea how it helps... Yesterday I had one incredibly hurtful incident (blow raspberry) from someone who I credited with a lot more intelligence and the GP who said 'You're between a rock and a hard place' - thank God for someone who understands that there isn't an answer simply by writing a prescription.

[Blaadyblah]

I've been called heroic today! Also last night while watching football in the pub Nat and I spent a lovely half hour or so chatting to a chap who said some of the sweetest things and made us both feel dead brave and proud of ourselves for coping really well (he also understood that when we're not doing so well we're not out and about!).

I had a very thoughtful tour guide last week who was careful to point out where the next chair on which I could rest was throughout our tour of an Elizabethan house - she also waited for me to catch up with the group before going on to describe the next room.

[Tiz]

You are heroic!

That tour guide sounds fantastic, makes me wonder if someone close to her is disabled, I don't think it would occur to a lot of people that you'd like to know where the next chair is before you vacate the current one.

[Eloise]

This really does come under sensitive comments as the person who said it NEVER says sympathic things even though I know she cares deeply

I was moaning about how my boss wasn't being very understanding. She replied

"well he should swap joints with you for a week!"

I think that says it all now all I need to do is work out how to do that

[Blaadyblah]

Heh Tiz, thanks. I suspect it was more a question of them having come across similar before - as soon as we hit a room she'd point out which surfaces could be sat on and when she thought that one of the sets of stairs might be problematic she ran it by me before deciding whether to take the group an alternative route. Altogether one of the best experiences of that type I've had.

Eloise, if you do work that one out do share, I've been working on it for years! I have a long list of people you can use as guinnea pigs.

[Eloise]

I was at my mates last weekend, and we were going to go to town to do some shopping. She said - "We will park right near the shops as I want your hips to be OK". I smiled and said - "Yeah - I want my hips to be OK as well".

It is great to have a friend that is thoughtful and understanding but doesn't make a big deal out of it.

[jax]

A friend of mine offered to take my mum to train station whilst I was painting
cups with her boy and mine and as I was about to lift bag into car she said "let me lift that for you
- I don't want you to hurt your shoulders or your back" - how nice is that? I have her son over alot and
she has mine so I guess we help eachother out but I just thought that was so lovely
of her......

Also we had a giggle becos at Costo my over 60 year old mum was lifting heavy
water packs and the guy at the counter was looking at me rather suspiciously......I
said I really can't lift that because of my back and he said "are you making that up"
and I said no honestly I've got some problems with my back so he did all the lifting
with a smile - very nice guy.....

[ombili]

I go to a class at the gym - it's a fit ball class and I am the youngest in the class by about 25 years. Many of the members are around 70 and one is 86! However, they are all tough as nails and it's not an easy class. Today I was asking the instructor for a list of the exercises we do to take to my physio, because they have me doing things that seem appropriate for my obese 91-year-old granny (that's my nice way of saying they are wasting my time and money) and they've said they might give me some more appropriate exercises if I give them a list of what I'm already doing.

After class, one of the women asked me why I'm seeing the physio and if I had hurt my back. I said no, I have a connective tissue disorder that affects my joints, and right now I am trying a treatment where they inject irritants into the joints but one part of that is you also have to have physical therapy. She said, "Oh! Well, I just wanted to say that you are so fit and strong and have such a great attitude I never would have known you had problems like that, and I'm sorry you do." I thought that was very sweet, and just the right thing!

[barkingmad]

I had one today too. I was in the front garden staring at the tadpoles in my pond that we have been developing and my dogs started getting excited and suddenly an arm appeared over the gate to stroke them..none of mine are aggressive so its not a problem, just that my Jack russell gets sooo excited she tends to leap the gate in one go...I grabbed her just in time, as she had lept to the top at the lady suddenly apologised as I was wearing my elbow braces and thumb spica, and had my stick.
She then asked what i had, so explained about the conncetive tissue and suddenly she started telling me about it! turned out that she is a retired teacher who now teaches a type of Yoga, she said that she knows how difficult I must find things at times and that she had seen HMS in the teenage girls she taught, one girl got up and screamed and this lady actually watched her knee cap slide out! She was so kind and positive and explained that people really dont understand, she said that she knew I could probably do a lot of the yoga poses and according to other folk that makes me normal but she said I know that you dont have the strength and stamina and are always in pain. She said it is so infuriating that people just dont understand!!!!
To be honest I was completely stuck for words, she made me want to cry she was so kind! Anyway, she told me where she works and that she is doing an extra course in July to make sure that she is completely up to date, as she reckons to many instructors dont watch their students properly so people like me injure themselves as we have poor proprioception!!! Told mum and we are going to her classs!!!!!!

[gerblet]

Hey Donna, she sounds lovely. Where is her class I would come with you, could be fun!!!!!

[barkingmad]

Fort Stamford...I forgot to tell you at lunch! and she was a very lovely lady, I think we would be safe in her hands!

[hannah]

Sounds fab Donna! What a conincidence!

I had a really nice comment. I was in the GPs waiting room with one crutch, near 2 older people. We started chatting and one asked what I'd done (I had one crutch in evidence) so I 'splained the connective tissue disorder, and they asked a few intelligent questions, then one said "I can't believe how matter of fact you are about it all. What you are going through makes me feel extremely lucky" and we moved on to discussing the new layout. Somehow they both gave such an impression of complete respect and concern it was really nice to meet, yet again, such caring members of the public who manage not to overdo the pity too.