Insensitive comments

[cracker]

My favourites of the many insensitive comments I have received;

1. Have you ever considered that it might all be in your head?

2. If you were an animal you'd have been put down. (Oh that one worked wonders for my self-esteem!)

3. You just need wrapping up in cotton wool, don't you? I replied that it'd only tickle my nose, she found this so hysterical that she didn't even notice that I hadn't found it funny myself.

4. I tried to explain to my psychiatrist about being a bit unsteady on my feet and finding it hard to take side-steps to get out of peoples way, my example was when a young lad ran past me on the street, narrowly avoiding hitting me, I stumbled, kind of tripped over my feet and landed on a parked car (rather than in traffic - phew!). "Aaaah" said the mental health professional "You must worry that people think you're an alcoholic" Not until you said so jelly brain!

i had the top 3 shadwlady i wish i'd have thort of the comeback with the cotten wall i just reply with 'meh' & walk/hobble off. i did have someone ask me if i was drunk i just turnsd round & told em to bog off. them comments do hurt i sometimes go away in tears & hide. of if i see any of my friends i tell them. one of my mates that drive the busses he say's dont worry we still love u then he tells me to tell mum or dad. them he waits with me for my bus or if he's driving i get mum or dad to meet me at the bus stop & he tells them theres a few drivers that do that. .

once i was with my mum when an old man said if u was a dog youd b put down my mum turned round and said ' put your brain into gear before u open your mouth' he just stood there with his mouth open.

sorry bout the essay lol

[madmum]

For years doctors have both said and written it is in my head. I have seen psychologists,I said can they physically help me not fall. When the answer is no they give up. I have had it said my son is copying me or I want him to have problems. I was once told I walk like a wooden top. People can be so ignorant,that is why I love my dog.

[mazza111]

4. I tried to explain to my psychiatrist about being a bit unsteady on my feet and finding it hard to take side-steps to get out of peoples way, my example was when a young lad ran past me on the street, narrowly avoiding hitting me, I stumbled, kind of tripped over my feet and landed on a parked car (rather than in traffic - phew!). "Aaaah" said the mental health professional "You must worry that people think you're an alcoholic" Not until you said so jelly brain!


That one I can definitely relate to. Not for the drunk bit though, my daughter sees people coming towards her so she stands still to let them walk round her. They still manage to almost knock her off her feet. Have lost count of the amount of times she's been bumped into this way.

Or a week before she was diagnosed with the patella alta, she was dismissed by the orthopaedic consultant and told she would grow out of it. At 21 she's done all the growing she's going to do.

[madmum]

I have a large mobility scooter I am out on and people do not even see me,I have to stop and people have walked into me.

[Jooolz]

People can be so ignorant,that is why I love my dog.

Yes madmum , I agree with you - my dog appears to understand - when I am having a bad day even without words - he still comes up and nudges me with his nose or sits on my knee.... just when I need it !

[madmum]

I have a three legged lurcher who does the same. He has inspired me with his attitude of get up and get on with life despite his missing leg. No insensative comments from him.

[niccysearle]

Bit disappointed as I am sure he did not mean it this way, but was discussing with hubby about ordering a new crutch to replace my stick....in the hope that when I need support on long walks/hard days my arms will not hurt so much. He said that he knows that I have been getting worse with pains but that I dont want to start becoming reliant on things like crutches or I wont be able to cope without them soon. I know that he meant well but.......I thought he understood how I struggle each day, but maybe not as much as I thought!

[mazza111]

I still have jokes with my daughter though. I think I'm pretty understanding and drive her to her hospital appointments, take her shopping. Basically take her anywhere she needs to go, run around after her doing my best to try and help. She's just been referred to appliances to get knee and wrist braces by physio, so I come out with, Oh great, we can put you in a pair of roller skates and just wheel you everywhere. Luckily she's got a good sense of humour, and sees the funny side of her situation. Or the first time she dislocated her knee, was put in a full leg brace (never gave her crutches), leg brace slid down her leg as she stood up, knee gave way and she collapsed on the floor, of course, I laughed. She laughed. Hope none of you see this as insensitive, because as long as she can laugh at the situation, I'll keep making jokes about it. As someone who's not a bendy but knees give way too (patella femoral something or other) I've had my share of knees giving way, and we always have a laugh at each other when we collapse in a heap on the floor.

Guess what I'm trying to say is, don't take offence at people saying or doing the wrong thing. They could be just trying to make light of a bad situation, like I do with my daughter and always get a wee smile from her, if I was offending her she'd be the first one to say something. Of course, you'll know the ignorant ones from the ones trying to be funny, just thought i'd throw a different angle on it.

[alice-emma-louise]

Mazza I think it's clear there is a distinction to be made.

You can liken it to calling your best friend by a name others would find derogatory knowing they'll find it funny. Language, words, phrases etc. shouldn't be off limits between individuals as long as the person doesn't take offence (and you have to be close to that person to know whether they will or not). And we learn what people take issue with by gently pushing the boundaries. I wouldn't take offence if a friend (and that bit's important) said something that upset me - I would tell them it upset me and as long as they didn't say it again, I would forget about it. Maybe I'd be a bit miffed that it were insensitive (I'm human after all) but I'm aware sensitivity to something you don't understand takes learning!!

Strangers, aqcaintances, people who don't know me well - they're a different matter. You should always err on the side of *too* PC, too careful, around people you don't know well until you know them better .

Ax

[mazza111]

Oh I know hon, daughter has taken offence to something that have been said to her (not by me I may add). Probably because she's laughed at me over the years falling over with my knees, she knows I'm now getting revenge I, as a parent would swap with her in a second if I thought it would help her, unfortunately my knees aren't much better, but a wee bit. So she'd probably still go for it, just so she could laugh at me falling over.

[cracker]

I can empathise with you ........I had friends who wouldnt take the extra effort to come to see me at home when I coudlnt go out to see them.........in the end I felt it was best to let them go

i agree kimsta. friends shouldnt get u down i got some frinds like that i even get the 'oh let me know when youre better then MAYBE we will go to the pub then!!' or i get 'oh youre always aching' i once got called 'sicknote' i even been called 'an attention seeking premadonna' but qiute a few freinds try to protct me if i hurting or having a flare up. one of my friends once came with me on the bus & walked me home & let my mum & dad know. soz if i went of topic a bit.

[shen]

So there is a wonderful woman at swimming who thinks she can say whatever she want. She comes across as a very derogatory person without a very kind word to say, she has her view on the world and its the right one kind of thing. She is in her 70s.

Basically she told me today that she believes there is nothing wrong with me because I can 'move about' i'm not like those others who cant do anything for themselves. She has seen my knees and ribs pop out, but to her there is nothing wrong because i am still mobile and dont seem in pain most of the time. Just because I dont say im in pain doesnt mean im not! they have never seen me on my worst days when I cannot physcially move. She likes to joke about calling me lazy because I "dont have a job" even though i'm doing my masters it 'cant be that hard', and surely i can work and study at the same time so that im not must just mean i'm lazy.

I make cupcakes and she doesn't like sweet stuff so she is derogatory about that, we were discussing a recent order and the price and she said rather nastily 'I wouldn't pay that for those, I wouldn't even pay £2'.... well nobody f******g asked you did they now??!!

I really start to hate her by now, always snide little comments, she thinks its funny and does it to wind you up but its just not funny to be made to feel like you are a faker. Most of them stick up for me anyway and one tells her off for it but still it starts to wear you down a bit.

Today i turned round and said 'well i wish I could just believe i'm not sick and make it true... but unfortunately it doesn't work like that' there were many other replies coming up but they were a bit mean 'i wish i could believe you aren't stupid but you know..' and other ones.

[madmum]

I feel sorry for her if in her 70 years she has not learnt better. I would ignore her completely,she will find that more hurtful.

[mazza111]

Some people certainly need to be ignored madmum. Shen - She sounds like she has nothing in her life, so has to bug others. As madmum said, people like this are best ignored

[cracker]

i agree too with mazza11 & madmum. people like thatarer best ignored, I know it is hard but if you ignore her she will get bored & leave you alone. I thought she would know better at 70. If she calls you names because of HMS & takes the p**s I think it is a hate crime but I am not too sure. If you ask at your local police station & ask to talk to someone in the hate crime unit they might be able to point you in the right direction.
she sounds like a bit of a victor melderw.
sending you big hugs * I hope it gets sorted soon hunni x

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